Fall is Friend Wifehere, and you know what that means: it’s finally time for the re-emergence of the dumb Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks.
I, for one, cannot stand the Pumpkin Spice Latte. I don’t need all that fancy shit, for crying out loud! I'm a regular guy, and I’ll just take a regular, plain old triple half-caf chocolateccino with extra whip cream, like a normalperson.
SEE ALSO: I am the founder of Starbucks and I am begging you to stop buying the Unicorn FrappuccinoSeriously, you’re not impressing me, just because you drink a pretentious "fancy drink" while all of us regular schmoes make due with our boring old caramel two-pump vanilla macchiatos and double mocha frappes with a side cup of pure cane sugar to chase like when you take a shot of tequila with salt.
You’re gonna tell me you need a FLAVORED spice and then STEAMED milk? What happened to the world?
As for me? I'll take my caffeine like my grandfather did, thank you very much: in the form a mocha double foam frap, carefully brewed with artisanal 100 percent arabica beans, roasted over flames created by flint and tinder by someone who has devoted their entire life to studying the science and philosophy of coffee.
Maybe I’m just old fashioned. But PUMPKIN SPICE? Oh, brother. Excuse me while I roll my eyes.
Picture this guys eyes rolling under those cups. That's what I'm doing. Credit: Shutterstock / Goami What is wrong with society these days? Everyone is so obsessed with their precious “iPhone 8.” Disgusting. Not me. I don’t need all that elaborate new technology. I make due just fine with my iPhone 6s, and my 3G Kindle Fire, thank you very much.
I guess I’m just an old soul!
I'll tell you what: all you MORONS can enjoy your fancy “Pumpkin Spice Lattes” and your “4K TVs.” If you need me I’ll be over here sipping my normal caramel vanilla triple brew frappe, and watching that classic movie Heron my old school 72” 1080p, doing just fine.
Thanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We're people, just like you, and we're trying our best.
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